nobody's commenting on my blog posts

You people who are silently reading this blog (AKA lurkers) are pissing me off.

Do you think I'm enjoying this? You think I'm ecstatic about getting pissed off at stupid random crap and then narcissistically ranting about it into the digital abyss?
Well, I'm not.
But I do this for you. For all of you.

So come on, get  pissed! (Mom, the pink text is a link. Click it. Don't make me tell you again.)

picky and overly-critical dinner companions

People who only ever eat five things and loudly express disgust about whatever I'm eating piss me off.

Tonight I was eating a delicious veggie salad, innocently chomping on the crunchy green peppers, when I had a flashback to the "bell pepper incident" of 2000something. Here I was, nearly 2/3 of a decade later and I was reliving this intense moment of pure rage.

The setting was our typical college town Italian restaurant. This girl who was the pickiest eater I've ever known kept going on and on about how nasty the bell peppers on my pizza were...how can you eat that?... what does it taste like?...Bell peppers killed JFK.... I just think it's gross!... Really, what does it taste like?

After way more than I could take of this capsicum inquisition I snapped, loudly:
                IT TASTES LIKE A F#%KING BELL PEPPER.

The evening got a bit awkward and I never spoke of it, until tonight.

it's kingsely, bitch

This dude posts videos of whatever's pissing him off and it's pissing me off.

He's much more hilarious than me. He's way more angrier (yes, more angrier) than me. He's also more adorable than me. He's got like 100,000,000,000,000 page views and there's just no way I can compete. He kinda reminds of of like Lewis Black, but gay, actually black, young, hilarious, and on the You Tubes.

You guys better not go watch all his videos, he's already overexposed.

hd aviator sunglasses

This stupid commercial for these piece o'crap sunglasses that are only like $10 and enable Jersey Shore fans to stare directly into the sun pisses me off.

I actually watched the entire commercial last night, thinking:
     "what the fuuhh...! Whaaa? HD sunglasses...I don't think that's how that works. Real life is pretty
      much the highest definition possible, right? WTF!?"

Then it occurred to me that I could change the channel or turn off the TV or go to sleep or empty the litter box or drink the entire bottle JohnnieWalker that's been eyeing me from the shelf all night.

But, if I'd done all that, I wouldn't have been introduced to the store brand OJ Simpson.

distracting housekeeping staff

Jose, the ever friendly but way too thorough housekeeper, keeps vacuuming the office like every day and it's pissing me off.
I freakin' closed my door because you were bugging me and I'm trying to watch The Daily Show work on my dissertation. And then you have the audacity to use your master key and just waltz in here with your noisy electrical broom!?
No way, Jose.

commercials for channels i'm already watching

Having to listen to commercials for ION Television: Positively Entertaining, while already watching the dang channel pisses me off.

I really don't want to listen to all the intricate plot lines and character analyses of Psych or Monk in between 10 minutes of Criminal Minds. I'm already watching you, you're one of only 3 decent digital broadcast channels I get; I'm going to continue watching, okay? Just calm down.

I just want to know if Garcia and Reid can create a GUI  interface using visual basic to track down the unsub's IP address.

cell phone with free will

My stupid phone deciding not to ring when people call me really pisses me off.
Daniel's trying to call! I'm sure he has Important things to tell me: the cats did something cute, he's eating a salad, work is boring, something-- I dunno--I don't really ever listen to him.
You send me every text, every email, and every stupid FB notification. You're a PHONE. All you really ever have to do is ring.