You people who are silently reading this blog (AKA lurkers) are pissing me off.
Do you think I'm enjoying this? You think I'm ecstatic about getting pissed off at stupid random crap and then narcissistically ranting about it into the digital abyss?
Well, I'm not.
But I do this for you. For all of you.
So come on, get pissed! (Mom, the pink text is a link. Click it. Don't make me tell you again.)
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
picky and overly-critical dinner companions
People who only ever eat five things and loudly express disgust about whatever I'm eating piss me off.
Tonight I was eating a delicious veggie salad, innocently chomping on the crunchy green peppers, when I had a flashback to the "bell pepper incident" of 2000something. Here I was, nearly 2/3 of a decade later and I was reliving this intense moment of pure rage.
The setting was our typical college town Italian restaurant. This girl who was the pickiest eater I've ever known kept going on and on about how nasty the bell peppers on my pizza were...how can you eat that?... what does it taste like?...Bell peppers killed JFK.... I just think it's gross!... Really, what does it taste like?
After way more than I could take of this capsicum inquisition I snapped, loudly:
IT TASTES LIKE A F#%KING BELL PEPPER.
The evening got a bit awkward and I never spoke of it, until tonight.
Tonight I was eating a delicious veggie salad, innocently chomping on the crunchy green peppers, when I had a flashback to the "bell pepper incident" of 2000something. Here I was, nearly 2/3 of a decade later and I was reliving this intense moment of pure rage.
The setting was our typical college town Italian restaurant. This girl who was the pickiest eater I've ever known kept going on and on about how nasty the bell peppers on my pizza were...how can you eat that?... what does it taste like?...Bell peppers killed JFK.... I just think it's gross!... Really, what does it taste like?
After way more than I could take of this capsicum inquisition I snapped, loudly:
IT TASTES LIKE A F#%KING BELL PEPPER.
The evening got a bit awkward and I never spoke of it, until tonight.
it's kingsely, bitch
This dude posts videos of whatever's pissing him off and it's pissing me off.
He's much more hilarious than me. He's way more angrier (yes, more angrier) than me. He's also more adorable than me. He's got like 100,000,000,000,000 page views and there's just no way I can compete. He kinda reminds of of like Lewis Black, but gay, actually black, young, hilarious, and on the You Tubes.
You guys better not go watch all his videos, he's already overexposed.
He's much more hilarious than me. He's way more angrier (yes, more angrier) than me. He's also more adorable than me. He's got like 100,000,000,000,000 page views and there's just no way I can compete. He kinda reminds of of like Lewis Black, but gay, actually black, young, hilarious, and on the You Tubes.
You guys better not go watch all his videos, he's already overexposed.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
hd aviator sunglasses
This stupid commercial for these piece o'crap sunglasses that are only like $10 and enable Jersey Shore fans to stare directly into the sun pisses me off.
I actually watched the entire commercial last night, thinking:
"what the fuuhh...! Whaaa? HD sunglasses...I don't think that's how that works. Real life is pretty
much the highest definition possible, right? WTF!?"
Then it occurred to me that I could change the channel or turn off the TV or go to sleep or empty the litter box or drink the entire bottle JohnnieWalker that's been eyeing me from the shelf all night.
But, if I'd done all that, I wouldn't have been introduced to the store brand OJ Simpson.
I actually watched the entire commercial last night, thinking:
"what the fuuhh...! Whaaa? HD sunglasses...I don't think that's how that works. Real life is pretty
much the highest definition possible, right? WTF!?"
Then it occurred to me that I could change the channel or turn off the TV or go to sleep or empty the litter box or drink the entire bottle JohnnieWalker that's been eyeing me from the shelf all night.
But, if I'd done all that, I wouldn't have been introduced to the store brand OJ Simpson.
distracting housekeeping staff
Jose, the ever friendly but way too thorough housekeeper, keeps vacuuming the office like every day and it's pissing me off.
I freakin' closed my door because you were bugging me and I'm trying towatch The Daily Show work on my dissertation. And then you have the audacity to use your master key and just waltz in here with your noisy electrical broom!?
No way, Jose.
I freakin' closed my door because you were bugging me and I'm trying to
No way, Jose.
commercials for channels i'm already watching
Having to listen to commercials for ION Television: Positively Entertaining, while already watching the dang channel pisses me off.
I really don't want to listen to all the intricate plot lines and character analyses of Psych or Monk in between 10 minutes of Criminal Minds. I'm already watching you, you're one of only 3 decent digital broadcast channels I get; I'm going to continue watching, okay? Just calm down.
I just want to know if Garcia and Reid can create a GUI interface using visual basic to track down the unsub's IP address.
I really don't want to listen to all the intricate plot lines and character analyses of Psych or Monk in between 10 minutes of Criminal Minds. I'm already watching you, you're one of only 3 decent digital broadcast channels I get; I'm going to continue watching, okay? Just calm down.
I just want to know if Garcia and Reid can create a GUI interface using visual basic to track down the unsub's IP address.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
cell phone with free will
My stupid phone deciding not to ring when people call me really pisses me off.
Daniel's trying to call! I'm sure he has Important things to tell me: the cats did something cute, he's eating a salad, work is boring, something-- I dunno--I don't really ever listen to him.
You send me every text, every email, and every stupid FB notification. You're a PHONE. All you really ever have to do is ring.
Daniel's trying to call! I'm sure he has Important things to tell me: the cats did something cute, he's eating a salad, work is boring, something-- I dunno--I don't really ever listen to him.
You send me every text, every email, and every stupid FB notification. You're a PHONE. All you really ever have to do is ring.
blogger's astrological default
The box for "Show astrological sign" on my Blogger profile that was checked by default pisses me off.
Astrology is stupid. We shouldn't have to opt out of stupidity. If people want to be stupid, they should have to be the ones to opt in.
Astrology is stupid. We shouldn't have to opt out of stupidity. If people want to be stupid, they should have to be the ones to opt in.
lawless bicyclists
The spoiled SC kids who bike around campus really piss me off. If you bike on the sidewalk, don't expect me to get out of your way. If you decide to bike directly and unexpectedly perpendicular to my car, don't expect me not to hit you. You do not have some special bicycle force field that allows you to just bike around willy nilly in vehicular or pedestrian traffic.
*Edit: I just realized that you can't spell "manslaughter" without "laughter."
*Edit: I just realized that you can't spell "manslaughter" without "laughter."
why don't you blog about it?
Lately, I've been getting pissed off a LOT about little stupid things. I could reasonably blame a change in meds, chronic TMJ pain, low quality sleep, work stress, global climate change. But, really, it's probably all Michele Bachmann's fault. I mean, she's just freakin' crazy. Doesn't she piss you off, too?
Every time I mention something that's pissing me off, Daniel just tells me, Why don't you blog about it? "What's pissing Jessica off today?" I know he's just saying this to piss me off, but he has a point. Why should he have to suffer alone through all my justifiable tirades first world problems?
What's pissing you off?
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